People who call things cringe are weak

It is emotional cowardice disguised as taste; how can anyone judge another fellow person by their hobbies, their interests, and their preferences?

Words by Chie Spahn

It is emotional cowardice disguised as taste; how can anyone judge another fellow person by their hobbies, their interests, and their preferences? Why place effort into putting others down for their actions? Those who call others cringe get to stand on the outside, they lack any chance of getting caught caring, and they get to participate in all the positive outcomes from those with said cringe interests while still remaining opted out. Of course, they can never be wrong, because they don’t care; it’s stupid, they lack the depth that interests give a person. They remain frictionless, ‘I'm rubber you're glue, bounces off me and sticks to you’, but with such a philosophy they never leave a mark.

I’ve lost so much from the fear of being cringe; it isn’t fair. I used to fear going to gym when I first started; what if they judge me for my poor form, for my body? Can’t join a fitness class, that’s where all the fit and able-bodied people go. I had to appear as if I didn’t really care about my studies at university either; it never felt like anyone else really wanted to put in 100% effort. I don’t want to look like the odd one out even though I’m spending hours every day trying to perfect my slides on a 10% graded PowerPoint. It also stopped me from joining a university club. 

Wait, that doesn’t make any sense.

In what way could joining a club be cringe? Did I really think that engaging with university beyond just collecting a degree was in any way cringe? I think that publicly caring about my university experience was the issue; I think that I thought it was dangerous because:

●     I might be seen trying

○      I can’t pretend I don't care, if I’m a part of something

●     I’d be associated with something ‘cringe’

●     I am perceived as needing community. I need friends? that's weak af.

○      Wanting to make friends means I require friends?

■     Which could show that I don’t have friends = Weak.

●     Weak is appearing a lot, appearing cringe is to appear weak

○      I can't be seen as not perfect, I will be unwanted if I do.

What?

I kept going to the gym, and I overspent on that 10% PowerPoint. I had to not care about what they thought of me and push past these insecurities. Wait, insecurities?

Why the hell would I be insecure about wanting to do my best?

My high-school friends called everything they thought below them ‘cringe’; surely that is insecurity? Why did I think that mattered?

○      They were all I thought I had; my value was derived from how my peers saw me.

○      I feared making mistakes, appearing ‘cringe’.

○      Who was I trying to impress? Nobody could care that much.

○      The people who would care and respond would be close to the individual.

■     Why would you be close with them if they were to treat you like that?

●     Why did I tolerate it? Did I become comfortable with it? Did it make me feel bigger and better than those I could deem ‘cringe’?

I am not only a victim, I am a participant in the culture.

 My friends and I were walking around Rundle Mall, our once in a year or two get together, despite our close living circumstances. As we were walking and talking, a friend stated in a blunt voice

●     “Chie is embarrassed to be seen with me in public”

○      Of course I attempt to defuse, provide assurance:

■     “That’s not true”

○      No, I am the one that people are embarrassed to be seen in public with

■     NO, my image is perfect in public, I am meticulous, I am paranoid.

●     A side effect from that perhaps?

○      How many other people had I made feel unwanted in my life because of my fear of “cringe”.

■     I treasure any moment that someone wants to spend with me.

I am a participant in the culture.

I feel physically twisted from it; my skin has cold acid running through it. Not only that, but I made people feel the exact way I didn’t want to feel, and for what? For confiding in me about their dreams, their desires. I betrayed them. Please I am so sorry I ever made anyone feel that way.

 “Love is the extremely difficult realisation that something other than oneself is real.”

— Iris Murdoch, The Sublime and the Good (1959)

 ‘Cringe’ is the opposite of this. It is the refusal to perceive other people as real. ‘Cringe’ is the failure to see other people at all.

 Cringe is anti-love

This article was first published in Issue 3 of Empire Times.