A non-definitive very subjective guide to Flinders female bathrooms

I rate a selection of 9 female bathrooms on the Flinders Bedford park campus, from my least to most favourite, for your convenience and information.

xoxo Facilities Girl (Vicki Griffin)

9. Level 1 of the hub.

On paper, these bathrooms should be great. They’re modern, and they’ve got very efficient hand driers that are fun to stick your hands inside. In reality, though, there’s a problem of ambience. The layout feels a little awkward (I’m sure there’s a space efficiency behind it) but, most of all, the doors seem very flimsy. I’m not about to hang my 8 kg backpack from that teeny hook is what I’m trying to say!

8. Next to the stairs in Humanities:

It’s nothing personal. These bathrooms are just very creepy. I think it’s something about the lighting. You hear some nature sounds, through the entry door which is usually propped open, but it’s more in a spooky way than inviting or relaxing. You shiver, as a weak line of sunlight reflects upon the tile. You clutch your belongings close and you hope for the experience to be over as soon as possible.

7. Outside the Flinders Drama Centre.

Here we have an example of that classic hallway layout of bathroom, and yet these bathrooms are not quite still pleasing to my particular tastes. They’re extremely dependable and very conveniently located. Yet, given the choice, I’d rather go elsewhere. I’ve thought about it a lot, and I think the ceilings are just a little too high. It’s got that real liminal roof space feel to it. A little daunting.

6. Level 2 of the library.

These are, again, conveniently located and because of the location some of my most visited bathrooms on campus. But, given the choice, I’d rather not. I think it’s because they open out into a narrow hallway. The vibes are harried, it’s a little off.

5. Level 3 of the library.

Technically I believe these are located in the law library. However, if you’re in the area, they are well worth the trip, because the corridor the door opens from is way less busy, giving them a much calmer feel all around.

4. Level 1 of the library.

I had no idea these bathrooms were here for the duration of my undergraduate degree. A great choice for those spending time on level 1 of the library.

3. Ground level of Law/Commerce.

Controversial but I really love visiting the bathrooms here. Such a small entranceway opens out into a very sizable facility. There’s showers. Sinks. So many cubicles. Every time I’ve been there it’s completely deserted, which is a little creepy, but that’s honestly my only critique. Put it on the to-do list!

2. Beside North Theatre 4 and 5 in Law/Commerce.

What you lose in space available—the cubicles are cramped and you are pretty much guaranteed to almost swing a door into somebody—is more than made up for by the sheer convenience and modernity of this masterpiece of a bathroom facility. So many options, just tucked away in there, mere metres from the door to the lecture hall? I commend the architects.

1. TOP BATHROOMS OF ALL TIME: near FUMA.

Now THIS is a top-tier campus bathroom facility, the clear winner in my eyes (though beauty is in the eye of the beholder)! Entryway unassuming, tucked away from the main entrance to the FUMA gallery. But press open the door and step inside, and you’re transported into the calming ambience of 1989.

This bathroom is like something out of The Secret History. Wash your hands, and imagine the search continues for your missing friend, Bunny. Except, you're avoiding meeting your own eyes in the mirror because you know that he was killed by your unhinged friends after they conducted an Ancient Greek bacchanal under the questionable influence of your classics teacher, Julian. Who knew such atmosphere was possible, within reach, right here, in 21st century South Australia?

A must-visit sanctuary amid the bustle of uni life—but please, don’t visit too often. We have to preserve the solitude-giving privacy that makes it unique, to keep this hidden gem secluded for generations to come.

This article was first published in Issue 2 of Empire Times.