AUTISM = UNSEXY ?
I am sitting alone on the bus, returning home after a long day at university, staring at my computer, writing each assignment that demanded to be finished, headphones on my head as I stare aimlessly out the window.
Words by Sophie Goldsworthy
The dark grey clouds cover the sky like soft cotton buds, while listening to “7 years” by Lukas Graham. In front of me I notice a couple sitting together, the man’s arm stretched across the woman’s shoulders. Then they lean into kiss. Then “Breakaway” by Kelly Clarkson starts to play. I have often thought at 26 years old I should be in a relationship myself. Or at least been in a few. Despite wanting to be in one, it has never happened. Yet.
There were many reasons that I haven’t sought out a relationship, which include me being too fat and too autistic, “weird” and “nerdy”. But are these legitimate reasons to not seek out a sexual relationship? Is this what I really believe or is it a result of society insinuating that autistic people have no sexual drive or capable of being in stable relationships? Still on the bus, these questions swirl in my mind as I watch the world move by as the bus drives down Goodwood Road.
Leading me back to the original question I posed: does being autistic mean I’m sexually unattractive? To answer simply: no. Being on the main campus for most of the week, I often meet an array of people of varying sexualities, ethnicities and even people with varying degrees of neurodiversity, including Autism. Many of those people are in healthy, happy relationships, whether they are sexually active I don’t know and frankly it would be too awkward to ask, but the point still stands. Autistic people can and do have sex and can be in committed relationships, regardless of what society thinks. Considering that there’s literally a show called “love on the spectrum” that focuses on neurodiverse people finding love, the answer shouldn’t come to a surprise to people.
Do I think I’m sexually unattractive because of my autism? No. Do I think I’m sexually unattractive because I’m weird and nerdy? No. In fact, I think it’s those attributes that make me attractive and feel attracted to those who also identify as “weird” or “nerdy”. Furthermore, neither I nor anyone else should base their attractiveness on the neurotypical values of attractiveness. Honestly, sex is sex, there is no single right or wrong way to experience it, as the world is full of diverse people and therefore what constitutes “sexual attractiveness” is diverse, which includes neurodiverse abilities and identities.