The Risky Business of Inter-Dimensional Travel
Beware! A warning to all university students: inter-dimensional travel is a dangerous and risky business, and it should be avoided at all costs.
Words by Sarah Hyde
Inter-dimensional travel is a dangerous phenomenon where an inhabitant of one dimension gets accidentally thrown through a spinning blue portal into another dimension. Unfortunately, this dimension jumping is much more common than you might think. There are countless occasions where university students have been sucked into gigantic wormholes and spat out in totally different places where nothing is the same.
For those unlucky enough to travel to another dimension, it can be a traumatising and harrowing ordeal. Some people never recover. Not to mention that it can upset the spacetime continuum and lead to the annihilation of the entire universe as we know it.
Therefore, if a crazy scientist in a fancy purple lab coat and big square glasses approaches you and asks if you would like to travel with them to another dimension—DON’T. If on the off chance you ever find yourself in the vicinity of an inter-dimensional travel device and have a weird, childish craving to touch it—DON’T. Keep at least a 10-metre distance from the device. Immediately phone the proper inter-dimensional travel authorities and wait patiently for their arrival. And I’ll say it again: do not touch it.
Perhaps you are a thrill-seeking youth with a penchant for danger and a tendency for idiocy, and by some miracle you and your friends put together a dimensional travel machine (or perhaps, if your parents are obscenely and excessively rich, you buy one with a lot of money). You start up the machine, excited to experience a whole other universe and maybe become famous along the way.
Well, let me tell you this—DON’T.
You’ll thank me later.
However, despite all these precautions, accidents can still occur.
The reason for this, of course, is the rifts.
There are many flaws in the universe, you see, as whoever made it probably had no idea what they were doing (assuming the universe and life itself weren’t all just one big accident anyway). As such, sometimes fissures can occur in the fabric of reality, and nearby individuals might find themselves suddenly sucked into an alternate dimension.
People who have undergone this unfortunate experience often describe the feeling as similar to being in a medieval torture device. There’s this strange tugging in your legs and your arms and, well, everywhere. You feel like you’re being stretched in all directions. Your eyes start burning. You feel like they’re going to melt and drizzle out of your head. Then the pain vanishes. You suddenly feel all floaty and giggly and like you had too much to drink. It’s quite strange, I assure you.
Now, you might be wondering, how can I know for sure this is inter-dimensional travel? Or did I just have too many cheese toasties for lunch?
Well, if you continue about your mundane life and find after a few weeks that nothing significant has changed, then you probably haven’t travelled to another dimension, and you’re most likely still in the same old boring universe.
However, if you discover that your mother gave birth to a different child, that your parents were never married in the first place, or that your best friend who is a hard metal fan suddenly listens to Taylor Swift—then chances are you have accidentally stumbled into an alternate universe.
Therefore, I implore you: stay away from inter-dimensional travel devices at all costs. Avoid touching any strange unidentified objects that look like they could even potentially be portals into other universes. Remain safe and vigilant. Try to avoid accidentally jumping into other dimensions. You’re welcome.